/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Project:Longhorn(TM) SP1
Estimated release date:2008
*/
#include “win95.h”
#include “win98.h”
#include “leopard.h”
char chew_up_some_ram[10000000];
void main () {
while (!CRASHED) {
if (first_time_install) {
make_10_gigabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
search_and_destroy(FIREFOX | OPENOFFICEORG | ANYTHING_GOOGLE);
hang_system();
}
if (still_not_crashed) {
basically_run_windows_xp();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (!DX10GPU()) {
set_graphics(aero, very_slow);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}
// printf(”Welcome to Windows 2000?);
// printf(”Welcome to Windows XP”);
printf(”Welcome to Windows Vista”);
while (something) {
sleep(10);
get_user_input();
sleep(10);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(10);
flicker_led_promisingly(hard_disk);
}
creat_general_protection_fault();
}
etc
Humor, Vista
Here is a Linux Virus scanner for you:
!# /bin/bash
echo
Linux virus scanner
sleep(1)
echo Scanning now…
sleep(10)
echo Still scanning…
sleep(10)
echo Almost done…
sleep(5)
echo Drum roll…
sleep(3)
echo No viruses found!!!
sleep(1)
echo Done
References go to Ubuntuforums
Updates: First add-on for Linux Antivirus released, just add few lines at the bottom of the code:
eject
play tada.wav
Blogging
Humor, Linux, Personal
It’s already 8 years, when the first movie from Matrix trilogy came out. After a couple of times, watching it with friends at the beginning I liked it. Some interesting ideas, scenario approaches, story line.
Comparing it with those movies released in 1999, Matrix was awesome. But I’ve never thought of the facts like:
- Agent Smith looks like a typical garbage collector with AI encapsulations. Could you imagine this utility with some humour and irony nowadays.
- Neo. A tiny bug in the system with machine learning capabilities. Of course, later on we’ll understand that’s not just a simple bug, however knowing the story in full, looks a bit amusing.
- Piphia, or a lady with a vase. Statistical path analyser. Looks like a Best-cost algorithm with some sophisticated evaluation functionality and a sense of humour. So you shouldn’t worry about the vase!
- Cypher, or a bad good guy. A very very greedy bug - impossible of being fixed - thus, rewritten from scratch or simply deleted.
- Switch,or the only girl in white. Very small and fast transition from “enable” to “disable” states in the movie!
- Mouse, or lady-in-red boyfriend. C’mon, there should be at least one kid hacker, otherwise that’s not a hacker movie!
Waiting to watch the Matrix Reload, hopefully, so more amusing computer alternatives will appear which I didn’t noticed back to its premier.
Blogging
bugs, Humor, Matrix, Movies
Heck! I was expecting some power consumption improvements, but still 4 hours XP vs. 2 hours Gusty.
Trying to make this post useful, follow these lines:
sudo aptitude update
sudo aptitude upgrade
sudo aptitude dist-upgrade
And remember: the more you misspell these three lines the longer upgrade will be! Be aware of grammar mistakes, folks!
Links
Humor, Linux, Ubuntu
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdEQh83nqjU[/video]
Just GetFirefox video ad
Links
Humor, IT, YouTube